When you don't believe your eyes and other updates
It's been a while...
Hey friends,
It’s been a while since I shared with you my thoughts on one matter or another.
To be honest, the last 5 months have been difficult.
This black period started with a phone call from my sister on the 13th September. I had slept through about 15 missed calls and finally woke up to the buzzing of my phone. The news on the call shocked my system like never before. My sister gave me the news that our mother had suddenly passed away.
I still remember staring out of the window of my Airbnb in Thessaloniki trying to work out if I was still dreaming. I didn’t want to believe the news and tried my hardest to prove to my own eyes that I was dreaming. That moment will forever be seared onto my brain.
Within 48 hours I was back in my hometown of Port Elizabeth to face the new reality and to say my goodbyes.
I spent the rest of the year in South Africa grieving, reconnecting with distant family and friends, and wrapping up my mother’s estate.
A few days before my birthday (which is on the 18th December), I landed in Barcelona where I’ve been staying ever since.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with as a result of the passing of my mother is a lot of my goals and motivations came from wanting to give her the world.
My mother sacrificed so much so I could get to where I am today and now the opportunity to pay her back is gone.
I’m still working on finding that spark to light the fire that will propel me up the mountain, but it’s a challenge. The desire to see my mother smile was my fuel.
Brain fog, lethargy, depression and instant dopamine are demons I’m fighting every day and I don’t always win.
When I landed in Barcelona I made the decision to start a new chapter and even though at times I’m not meeting the standards I want for myself, I’ve taken a lot of steps in the right direction.
Since the start of the year I’ve made some big business moves which I’m excited to share with you in my next newsletter.
I’ve really missed writing regularly and I’m taking steps to build a writing habit which I can stick to.
Thanks for reading and I’ll be in touch soon.
Justin